Steps Into BDSM
Author: Skorpio


After attending a Bondage Seminar, L.T. asks me by mail: Do you think before stepping into Domination / submission I have to deepen more what a Bondage session may let me feel directly on my skin?

I consider this one a focal point: into BDSM there's absolutely nothing you HAVE to do. You CAN choose to experiment everything you feel like. The suggestion I can give you is: always listen to your deep self. If one thing excites you, or stimulates to you, or puzzles you, do not immediately jump in it: Let it grow a little more digested. Try to taste what you live, let it slowly mold inside yourself and on the picture you have of yourself, BEFORE going further. The haste, so natural in the search for pleasure and new sensations, is a very bad method for getting into BDSM. It can bring you to hurried judgments. Or it may bind yourself into choices, persons and situations or drive to poor and misleading experiences. Always listen to your own rhythm. Always give yourself enough time to digest the first steps BEFORE going further on new fields. Every time you feel something moving inside yourself and you don't understand which direction it is going, just stop. Wait until you understand. Out of the sermon, if you want to try a bondage session, nothing's wrong. You saw what it's all about. This is a reasonable step. Always measure your steps.


If I'm not going too intimate, I'd like to ask you to explain the psychological sensations linked to the submissive or Dominant choice...

You're not at all indiscreet. In order to speak seriously about these things, I have founded the BDSM Realm. I consider it absurd that people who have questions as these must pass through chats filled with various pathetic characters, as they are searching for serious answers.

Being Dom or sub - is it a choice or an attitude? I can't say, I don't think anyone can. Within all of us live conflicting desires, and often they pop up when we least expect it. Moreover, Dominance and submission are expressed in so many various fields... Does Dom mean to guide? or to punish? or to educate? or to enjoy the suffering? or to hurt? or to humiliate? or to love in an extremely protecting way? or to possess? is it a way to make sex or not? It can be all of that, and more. But may also be only some of those things, and not at all others. And being a sub? does it means to get aroused while suffering? is it a way to offer pleasure? is it to accept humiliation? is it to ask for it? is it to obey? is it to love more the partner then ourselves? is it self destruction? is it a way to pass trough experimental crisis and evolve? is it a way to increase the sexual pleasure or to deny it totally?

I know people who would chose only one or two of those definitions and sharply refuse all the others, and each of them may testify their opinion as the ultimate truth. Being submissive, or Dominant, is a way to perceive ourselves and live with so many different facets and differences to give a universe of possible choices. Only you know what it means for yourself. And usually, it changes in time. Finding a good balance between expression and privacy, fantasy and reality, living and deepening is what we can call "maturity" for BDSMers. Facing with open mind our own contradictions, our limits, our emotions.

You'll have to forgive me, L.T., if instead of clarifying your ideas with a blueprint I probably fueled your confusion. But I'm positive it is better for you to have more possible answers to think about rather then an ABC instructions manual.
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